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Are successful women less likeable?

UN Women - flickr

UN Women – flickr

In her book, “Lean In” COO of Facebook, Sheryl Sandberg cites research that says that like-ability is positively correlated to men and success, and negatively for women.

Really? What the…?

Why are successful men deemed confident and inspiring and successful women intimidating and bossy?

Could this be one of the factors inhibiting women from taking on leadership positions? After all, being liked, being approved of, is a basic human driver. If it is true, what can we do about changing this paradigm?

I’ve been talking with aspiring women leaders and am surprised at how many cite this as an answer to “what’s getting in your way?”:

“I’m not sure I’m really a leader.”

This speaks volumes to the issues – know and unknown – that are holding women back from taking on leadership roles – and if they do, being liked for doing so.

We know the external blocks:

  • There are fewer women role models in visible national and international leadership roles, though this is slowly changing.
  • Those brave pioneers, having no role models, often relied on their male counterparts as a source of ‘how to lead’. This has resulted in many women leaders ‘leading like a man’. An unfeminine leader is a bit of a ‘freak’, repellent, and though admired, not very likeable. Think Margaret Thatcher – so unfeminine as to be labelled the ‘Iron Lady’. You don’t really want to cuddle up to that!
  • There is subconscious bias – in both men and women – towards seeing men as more competent. Sandberg quotes research done by the Harvard Business School. The study assigned a group of students to read a case study of real-life entrepreneur Heidi Roizen, a successful venture capitalist. They gave another group of students the exact same case study but changed the name to ‘Howard’ instead of ‘Heidi’. Polling the students with their impressions of Heidi and howard, the students rated Howard as a more appealing colleague. Heidi was seen as ‘selfish’ and ‘not the type of person you’d want to hire or work for.’ Exact same story, subconscious gender bias devalued the female leader.
  • Competing life roles – of wife, mother, friend – make the working woman an unattractive figure: pulled from pillar to post, constantly self-sacrificing, and tired. Very tired. Why step up for a leadership role if there is more of this, only double the pressure and twice the fear of failure?

And there are those dark secret thoughts:

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Business is about ‘Survivorship’ – agree?

floater3

Do you feel like you are just surviving?

I saw Mark Bouris (of Celebrity Apprentice and Wizard Home loan fame) speak recently at a Business Chicks event. He was athletic, sharp, and charismatic according to one twitter post (read: handsome). What could a man who has rubbed shoulders with Kerry Packer – and done multi-million dollar deals with him – have to teach me about business and leadership? As it turns out – not what I expected.

Mark is a gritty Aussie, prone to swearing, and strong on his opinions. That’s fine – I like passionate viewpoints.

Here’s a little of what he had to say:

“Kerry Packer challenged me to prove I had the ticker [heart], the ‘fight’ to go all the way, even when the chips were down. To never give up. To persevere.”

Cue image of bulldog, whipped and bloodied, bone wrested from enemy and gnawed clean.

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Leadership Tip: Taming the Dragon

dragon

Dragon image by chriscalf.com

“Why are you crying? I think you’re making much more of this than you need to.”

I said nothing. I just stood there, head hanging, limbs trembling,  weeping and snotting into my goggles.

I was at the bottom of a very steep, very long ski run that had pushed all my limits – physical, mental, emotional.

My counterpart was my oh-so-supportive husband.

But he was right, of course.

The run was not that hard. It was perfectly groomed. There was hardly anyone around. There was good visibility. I didn’t fall. It was steep, but I took it one turn at a time and made it to the bottom without losing control, smashing into anyone, or careening off the side into oblivion.

So why then the histrionics? Why a visceral reaction that made me want to spew, cry, and rant all at the same time?

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3 things I learned about ‘failure’ from a stranger (true story)

I’ll never forget those eyes. The look of fear and desperation was profound. He was newly homeless, gazing desperately at any one who walked past – for a little bit of change – anything – to help.

I had nothing to give. The symptom of a cashless society.

On every street corner in central Sydney, there were men sitting on corners – sometimes right in the middle of the pedestrian traffic – with cups or hats upturned. Some with signs explaining piece of their story, some with nothing. Staring downwards. You’ve seen them too. Did you feel guilty walking past?

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How to have less drama in your life and work

When you bring people together, you’re going to experience some clash of perspectives.

This may morph into a siege complete with hand-grenade insults and temper tantrums. Or a quiet icy silent embargo. I’ve been on the receiving, and giving, end of both.

Welcome to office politics.

But you don’t have to just shrug it off as a necessarily evil of modern business.

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3 ways to be influential when you don’t have authority

Being influential is easy when you have power and a job title to match. What happens when you’ve got a great idea but you feel like just a cog in a machine?

You could quite easily just seethe and simper in a corner, bemoaning the powers that be for being too caught up in their ivory tower to listen to the likes of you. After all, it’s not your problem…

But hey that would be playing victim and adding to the problem, and I know you are too much of a natural rock star leader to let THAT happen, right?!

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