How to stop talking yourself down

I confess – I am no good at receiving compliments. I’ve trained myself to say ‘thanks’ instead of ‘it’s nothing’ but I’m still usually in shock. Love my article? But it’s just what I do day in day out. You find my coaching insightful and powerful? But I just tell it how I see it. Love my presentation? But public speaking is so easy!

And I know how ridiculous this all sounds by the hundreds of you I can hear scoffing at the last point. Public speaking is not easy – not by a long shot.

So why do I downplay?

I am caught in the trap of the false virtues – modesty and humility.

And I suspect I am not the only one!

Why are modesty and humility ‘false’ virtues?

Because they do not serve our life purpose.

Let me explain. This is what happens when we downplay:

We think, “I’m not good enough. I am not deserving of this.”

When the downplayer is turned up high, all we are doing is vibrating unworthiness. We are rehearsing and reinforcing ‘not good enough yet’.

And if my purpose is to help leaders transform the world by first transforming themselves, how on earth is that going to happen with the vibration of ‘not good enough’?

It ain’t working. It won’t work. Ever.

To inspire others to transform their awareness and personal influence I need to have my confidence and self-worth dialled up high – powerful positive energy is engaging, influential, and contagious.

‘Not good enough yet’ is not.

Humility and modesty are false friends – they unhinge our personal power.

How do we disable the downplayer?

After all it’s culturally ingrained to be modest. Arrogance is loathed and condemned. In Australia if you brag you are seen as someone who Big Notes and needs to be cut down to size. There is even a saying for this: ‘the Tall Poppy Syndrome’ – all poppies that rise above others need to have their heads chopped back.

No wonder we are keen to downplay when threatened with such malice!

But playing small, thinking small, and feeling small serves no one, no cause, no thing.

Big thinkers, strong leaders, need to think Big, feel Big, play Big in order to get Big Results.

Downplaying is small thinking, small feeling, and leads to small results.

Here is the first distinction needed to disable your downplayer:

1. Appreciation is not arrogance. When I appreciate the fact that I love writing and generally what I write is pretty good [whoa – see how I did that?? ‘generally what I write is pretty good’ – downplayer on!] Ok try again – what I write is powerful and engaging, I am not sitting in arrogance but appreciating my strengths. I am not narcissistically gazing at my reflection, but acknowledging that my strengths serve my purpose in the world – to inspire others in their own transformation.

Arrogance would be something like, “I’m a sh*t hot writer and you’re not. Nanananapoohpooh.”

Appreciation does not raise you above others – it raises your vibration. Thus you are more influential and positive.

2. Turning up your “Up-player” makes you a vibrational match to your vision and makes room for it to come in.

By practising appreciation and dialling it up a notch, I am tuned in to success and accomplishment – exactly the environment I want to create for me, my results, and those of my clients.

Here’s an example of how to do it: Next week I have been invited to speak to a group coached by Mark Joyner (personal development guru with massive following and huge acclaim). Wow! That is awesome! I am so cool! I attract the top end Big Guns in my field – that’s who I play with now! I am delighted to share my powerful message of personal transformation using my unique and practical system. I am a guru too. I am an amazing guru! I have the talent and vision to uplift thousands and I am attracting these opportunities daily.

Phew. That wasn’t as easy as it looked! But I am totally committed to my vision of helping leaders transform the world by first transforming themselves. It’s a high energy, big playing field and I am stepping up as a key player.

What about you?

What accomplishments and opportunities is it time to up-play?

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